Love & Kindness toward self & Other

can be ​In light of the massive amount of challenges that currently face us all as individuals and community members of our world at large, it may be far too easy to slip into worry, fear, anger, grief or other difficult emotions or states of being,  or to project out into the future in anticipatory grief, (looking to the future and visualizing the worst). While so many compassionate and sensitive souls can envision a better world in which to live and are choosing to rise up and fight for justice and what they believe in, it can still very tough to stay focused and remain true to ourselves while supporting others and just causes. 

Feeling out of control can invoke real response in the body but is often something we can shift from when working toward a sense of stability.  Nevertheless, being in control can be quite an illusion of sorts.  Although we may wish to have things be or feel more predictable or stable, there really never is a guarantee on tomorrow.  This is often what  people mean when they say things like all we have is the present moment. So, therein another question lies, "How are we feeling and what are we doing or being in the present moments of each day?".  Are we filling them with anticipatory grief, or anticipating other unwanted outcomes that have not yet-- or may never-- come to fruition thus unnecessarily experiencing the stress that our bodies feel when consciously or unconsciously embodying these negative or worrisome thoughts and emotions? As difficult as it may be to acknowledge, we may shape our realty but we really have no healthy way to control others or the world around us.  While this may make it sound like it's pointless to even try to "fix" things that are "broken" or help "heal" those who are wounded or in pain, in actuality, we can make a difference but may need to examine a new more efficient way of going about it.

Although projecting far into the future for perhaps too many present moments of our days may be our learned or even unconscious pattern, we can surely work on examining ourselves and replacing thought patterns that invoke stress and strife with those that may better serve us now-- in the present moments of our lives-- in order to shape a healthy outcome.  Choosing and acting from as centered, healthy and grounded of a place as possible helps to ensure that we make more solid choices that can better shape our future. 

In times of stress, we may choose to bury ourselves in work or shift into caregiver mode so as to have something to do instead of sitting with any anxiety or pain or other emotions and bodily effects that may reside deep within or feel like they're lurking just below the surface ready to rise up and wreak havoc at any time.  But what if we view these as just parts of us that are striving for attention, recognition, love and a form of release?  What if we took the time to allow these sensations and feelings to help us to better understand precisely more about where they are coming from and to (as unpleasant as the experience may be) to allow them to be acknowledged in order to transform them and ourselves in the process?

While stripping it down to being able to be with and find contentment with self, and to be able to love ourselves through the perceived ugly, undesirable or otherwise unpleasant traits, and to love ourselves in spite of and including our past "mistakes", is generally never "easy", it is one of the most beautiful gifts we can give ourselves from which we can grow and learn.  If we view loving self as selfish then we miss a key point of inclusive unconditional love.  We must love the body we have and work to care for the gifts we have been given, so that we can then exemplify this care and concern for our children and others; so that they, too, can see and understand that it is acceptable and essential to care for self-- even if the lesson is learning to move past thinking that self care is narcissism.  

It has been said that peace begins within and that you have to love yourself to love others.  While we may not have cultivated a lot of self love thus far over the course of our lives, we may know or hold great love for a child or other special one in our life.  Even if we love another deeply, we may be even more able to amplify that love by practicing, meditating, and working to share this positivity in more directions, starting with including self and more "others" in this love trajectory!  Radical love involves striving to dance around the center line of balance finding time, effort and energy to dedicate and care for both self AND other, other AND self!  When we can love and support ourselves and others through their dark nights of the soul and support our own self with deep love and compassion for our own inner child during our own personal dark nights of the soul, the perceived things that separate us can dissipate so that what remains is more love, more high truth, and a refreshed appreciation for living beings and life itself!

Instead of only pointing fingers, focusing upon or finding the faults that will almost always exist, let us turn the lens upon ourselves and look deep within to find the beautiful loving center  From this place, let us shine this light to transform the undesirable and continue to shine further forward from there!  Let us also remember that there is no finish line... after all, we call contemplative arts, like meditation, practice for a reason!  Each and every day will present us with a new challenge as the only thing constant is change!  Therefore, let us continue to embrace the opportunities for growth and take time away or to step back when we need to and then regain our practice over and over and over again! 

Self care, self love and self kindness can come in many forms such as yoga, a silent walk in the woods, sitting by a favorite tree or sharing a heart felt conversation with a trusted ally.  But, perhaps, one of the most simple and effective ways to cultivate this self love to then share with others is through meditation.  Spending time in meditation each day requires nothing more than 5 minutes and a somewhat quiet place (or a noisy place with earplugs!). 

Enter the Loving-kindness practice, a form of reverent meditation in which we practice self-love which we then extend outward toward all living beings-- even and especially those for whom we may have disdain or much worse.  Taking time to practice this form of self-care and then extending this care and concern to others is a wonderful way to be inclusive.  For those of us who selflessly care for others, it asks us to examine if we are looking within-- and looking within with love!  For those of us who may be actual recipients of wrongdoings or who generally tend to feel victimized or for those of us who have not yet found forgiveness or who may currently be finding ourselves in a state of perpetually blaming others for their perceived or actual misgivings or hurtful actions, the Loving-kindness practice asks us to cultivate forgiveness and love and well wishes for both self and others (even those who may have done harm).  While there are so many positive affirmations, mantras, prayers or meditations from which to choose, the Loving-kindness meditation is one which I hope you can try and derive much from!  

Please also know that if you do not feel ready to forgive or do not feel safe or prepared to focus upon the idea of exhibiting love and forgiveness for those who have caused you or your loved ones harm, then please feel free to simply omit the final portion of this practice until you feel open to the idea of sending care and concern or facing (in your mind's eye) the ones who have hurt you most. 

Loving Kindness Meditation
Find yourself in comfortable position, preferably with straight spine, and take the opportunity to turn your attention within to ease into the calm, centered space within your body and breath.  Allow your breath to be a vehicle to drive yourself to a deeper sense of self and acceptance and connection with all that is within and around you. 

Envision being wrapped in the warm loving embrace of a time in which you felt the most love and joy and warmth you've ever experienced. 
Maintaining this feeling of love turned within, say silently or out loud, 
"May I be safe, physically and emotionally well and filled with love."

Next, envision a dear loved one, family member, mentor or other who has been like family to you and brought you much goodness. With this loved one in mind, send your love outward toward them and say silently or out loud,
"May you be safe, physically and emotionally well and filled with love."

Now, envision a friend or other person who value and appreciate to appear before you in your mind's eye.  Silently, or out loud repeat the words,
"May you be safe, physically and emotionally well and filled with love."

The, allow an image of a neutral person to appear before you in your mind; someone you may not know very well and toward whom you do not have any particularly strong feeling. Repeat again, 
"May you be safe, physically and emotionally well and filled with love."

Finally, allow the image of a person for whom you have much distaste or may have even viewed as an enemy to appear before you in your mind's eye.  Direct these same words to this person now,
"May you be safe, physically and emotionally well and filled with love."

​If we ALL just TRULY focus a little more on more unconditional LOVE, then maybe we will find that there is less time to focus on all of the factors that divide us instead of those that unite us.  Cultivating right action and loving self and other can have an immense impact on all of our actions and may just even shape our world in the way we want to see it be changed!  We are all children of the universe, each and every one and we all deserve the opportunity to transform and be transformed and to live in a way that benefits the masses!  Be the cause that has a positive effect!  Be the transformation!  Be the reflection of the divine... as a holy microcosm of the magnanimous macrocosm! Be the catalyst for change than begins within!